It is 7:00 PM and I am still in my pajamas, but that is okay because I can be very productive in my pj's. My goal today was to stay home and work in my office. I seem to be drowning in paper work as I am working on the requirements from the court on Pat's probate and tax season. In order to do that I have to be organized. While getting organized I ran across the DVD of Pat's memory video and realized that I had not seen the finished video. Maybe you didn't see it either or would like to watch it again. It made me smile and cry at the same time. I miss him so much.
Some days are tougher than others. Sometimes your day is going along just fine and boom the pain of grief just covers you. It may be a picture, a song, a memory, or the words I read in his journal. Two nights ago I was having a hard night and picked up his journal. The entry was April 9, 2010.."Dear God thank you for today! Thank you for Paige. She is my best friend and the love of my life. I love her as you do and pray that she continues to be healthy.....thank you Lord for my many blessings." What a God hug. The biggest gift gift I could receive next to hearing it from him.
I can't hear Pat, but I can hear the Lord whisper to me. He encourages me and gives me hope. On February 8th in Streams In The Desert I read:
"Surely I am with you always. (Matthew 28:20) Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms. Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who care for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries. Francis de Sales." Whatever our faith says God is, He will be.
You see, I read this last year and yes, he carried me a lot. I will trust Him.