|Happy Birthday Dad!|
As I finished reading the last chapter of my Bible, Revelations this morning, I came upon my summary of the year which I wrote on the blank page beside the scripture. This is what I read:
2008: What a year 2008 was. Lord, it was hard, but you changed us. Pat's cancer was a gift although a difficult journey! May we grow closer to you even more in 2009. Your presence has been felt and your blessings abundant. Thank you for enriching my faith and blessing me by knowing you better. Teach me more, Lord. Teach me to trust you more! I love you. John 13:7
2009: Pat resigned from Kinro on a leap of faith just after you placed me at FBC after 16 years of being a SAHM (stay at home mom). You taught us how to trust and extend our faith. We opened Clear Choice, a huge puzzle piece coming together.
2010: A year of surprise and change. Clear Choice one year old. Pat diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage IV. A life that now causes to see what we can't so we see you Father. Living on faith.
So, this is what I added for 2011: A year that unfolded with God's grace, faithfulness, goodness and provisions. A year I saw my husband fight with everything he had until November 26th and you took him home and said "Well done my good and faithful servant". I trust you even more now as face a year of unknown. But, I love you, trust you and surrender it all to you.
On August 25th I opened my bright yellow journal covered in purple, green and pink flowers and made my first entry..."Fresh book, fresh page, fresh new day. I have so much to praise you for. You are everything to me and I am devoted and desire to surrender all of me. I just think of what these pages will hold in the next months. We will see a lot of you, Lord!
On December 20th, I opened my journal and had only one page left to write in. It had been four months of prayer and life written on those yellow pages. I started to cry as I knew that when I wrote in that last page and closed the journal, my new journal will not have my Pat within it's pages. As I looked at that blank page, I was thinking what would the Lord have me to write. I started reading my Bible and devotionals to find out. He led me to Haggai 1:1 - 2:23. This is what I read and wrote in my journal on the 20th: "I am with you says the Lord. vs 2:4 Be strong all you people still left in the land. Now get to work for I am with you says the Lord of Heaven's armies. My spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid. The future glory of this Temple will be greater than it's past glory. And in this place I will bring peace. I the Lord of Heaven's Armies, has spoken. Haggai 2:19, "I am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grain, and your grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates and olive trees have not yet produced their crops. But from this day onward I will bless you." The last sentence was written up the side of my page. Through my tears I sat in awe of these intimate words.
I was instantly reminded of Exodus 14:13 (Don't be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.) that he gave me on October 5, 2010 and the verse Habakkuk 3:17 that the Lord had given me months ago that covered me with His peace. Fast forward to my daily reading on December 25th. Zechariah 8:11, "For I am planting seeds of peace and prosperity among you. The grapevines will be heavy with fruit. The earth will produce its crops, and the heavens will release the dew."
This was a lot to absorb in one week. I felt His Words were for me. I always question myself? Who am I that the Lord would speak to me?
On December 29th I read the following from my Streams in the Desert: "We need to have appropriating faith when it comes to God's promises and should make His Word our own personal possession. A child was once asked what appropriating faith was, and he answered, "It is taking a pencil and underlining every 'me', 'my' and 'mine' in the Bible." Pick any word you want that He has spoken and say, 'That word is my word.' Put your finger on a promise and say, 'It is mine.' The last sentence was, "When faith goes to the market, it always takes a basket."
Happy Birthday my sweet Pat! I am hoping you are enjoying some fabulous chocolate pie....your favorite! I know that all things in Heaven are beyond anything I could ever imagine....save me a place right beside you."
Happy New Year!
PS I will be moving my journal to my personal blog www.paigespetals.blogspot.com in the days to come. I will put a link on CB for awhile in case you want to catch up with us. I have been blessed by you more than you will ever know.