Wednesday

It has been a Wednesday full of rainfall and we are thankful!  I have been going to Grief Share for the past two weeks which are on Wednesday nights, but I didn't go tonight because we had to put Hank in the crate due to the rain, and I wasn't sure if Garrett would be coming home directly from basketball.  I meant to go, but after getting home, I didn't want to get out again and drive to Fort Worth.  I have found that Grief Share has been very helpful and the facilitators at Christ Church are just wonderful people.  This program is a video series that walks you through all of the steps of grief.  I have learned simple things such as it takes six to nine months to accept the fact that your loved one is gone and they are not coming back.  I still have a ways to ago as I find myself shaking my head thinking this can't be true.  

A lot of things don't feel true.  I was sharing today with my friend that it has been hard to accept the fact that I am leaving my job at First Baptist and when I was typing up my job description to put into the worship folder, it made my stomach turn.  Without a doubt I know I have been guided to do this, but it doesn't make it any easier as I truly love all of the staff that I work with every single day. 

Elizabeth came home last night for Garrett's game and it was so good to see her.  She is loving her new apartment and I think her place will be the place to get away.  As I am typing this I just got a text from her, "I got a DVR!! Yuh!!!! And I have the sweetest room ever." She is has a great closet too!  Love you Sissy-girl!

My eyes are closing and early to rise in the morning.  Blessings!

More Change

 

I have missed journaling and would like to be more disciplined, but the rhythm of my house is much different now.  I use to spend a lot of time on this couch as Pat sat in his chair, and I don't do much sitting now.  As I sit now, Garrett is watching Alaska State Trooper while chasing Hank around and Cash is trying to get right in the middle of it all.

My sweet little birdy, Elizabeth, flew the nest this weekend and I am excited for her.  After she graduated from college in August of 2010, she was only going to make a short stop at home and then begin her new life, but there was another plan.  She put her dreams on hold to take care of her family.  Here is a picture of moving day!

This was quite the site as we packed up and then delivered her goods to downtown Dallas!  I don't think Mr. G is working very hard!

Still more change. I will be leaving my job at First Baptist as I resigned Thursday afternoon in order to run the window business full time. This possibility was lurking, but God showed me clearly on Thursday that it was time.  I have been reading Priscilla Shirer's new book, Resolution.  She was talking about timing and referring to Haggai, Chapter 1.  "Now was the season to focus on the house of God, to pare down their list and concentrate primarily on what God was telling them to do today. So, yes, it meant that something which brought them pleasure would need to be put on the shelf for now, but certainly not forever.  They were to focus on today's task, pushing others to the side temporarily, while being assured that the time would come for them to prioritize another thing later on.  Sometimes this realization can be a hard one. As you're able to determine what your current priorities should be, and as you're obedient in setting other things aside for the time being, don't fret that you'll never again have the opportunity to spend time pursuing them.  The next years, perhaps even the next few months, will bring with them a recalibration of what's most pressing and important.  Then some of these activities that you're needed to shutter for a time may be ready again to emerge into active duty."  

She was referencing all of the above to the book of Haggai, chapters 1 & 2.  So, I thought I would turn to these chapters.  I read these chapters on December 20th.  Chapter 2, verse 4, "Be strong all you people still left in the land.  And now get to work, for I am with you says the Lord of Heaven's Armies. My Spirit remains strong among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid."   vs. 19: "I am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grain, and your grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates, and olive trees have not yet produced their crops. But from this day onward I will bless you."

I immediately knew. The focus now is on our window business, but my pleasure has been working at FBC.  A place that has carried me and a place that I can now heal.  I wasn't ready to make any kind of decision about leaving, but God showed me very clearly to make this pressing and important decision. So, I am now trusting God to go before me.

Sure missing my Pat...

Sunday Morning Testimony

I have missed journaling nightly and missing my connection with you.  We are doing pretty good, and I believe that we are doing much better than we thought we would.  I do know that I am missing Pat more and more and when those waves of grief come, they hurt.  I just want to touch him and squeeze his precious face.  I am attending Grief Share each week and look forward to the healing. 

Working at the church and learning more about the window business is keeping me busy as well as watching Garrett play some great basketball.  District games started Tuesday and we had a tough loss by three points, but it was exciting!


Yesterday morning, I was asked to give a short testimony in our church services on what Life Group means to me and my family.  If you have followed us very long, you know how much Pat and I love our Life Group. Our walk has been precious with these friends  and their faithfulness to our family has been a testament in itself. It would have truly been a lonely road without them these past 15 months and I am still clinging to them as we move forward with life without Pat.  We love you, David & Tracie, Andy & Brenda, Greg & Alison, John & Jennifer, Jeff & Kelli, Troy & Lisa and Craig. 

If you have the opportunity to join a life group, I strongly encourage you to find people who can live authentic lives with you.  I know Pat and I were changed by sharing our lives with our precious friends.


Hugs!
xoxo

Hello!

I survived a week of my new routine and it wasn't too bad.  People have always said that grief comes in waves and it does.  Just a thought, a picture or a memory brings a huge heartache when you least expect it. This afternoon I was looking in my messy desk at work and there was a note from Pat that he had placed on my desk very early one morning just after he had his Wednesday Bible study.   It read, "Have a blessed day!  I love you!!  What a God hug!

Christmas Eve night we spent it with Pat's family.  Pat's brother, Richard, and his wife, Becky, gave me a calendar of the Psalms as a gift.  I opened it and I automatically flipped over to April, the month of my birthday, and the photo at the top was covered in purple. My thought was, "wow, Lord...thank you!"  We miss Pat terribly and it is still so hard to believe that he is gone.  But, these little gifts from above remind us that God loves us and He cares about us. I still keep wondering what Pat is doing each day. 

Tonight my mom, Pat, is in the hospital in Ardmore, Oklahoma with blood clots in her leg and both of her lungs.  I ask that you please pray for the clots to dissolve and that they will not be a continual problem.  It is hard being here and not with her tonight.  I love you, Mom!

Hank, Garrett's new boxer, now nine weeks old, is keeping us all on our toes, but he brings us a lot of joy along with his much bigger play buddy, Cash.

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, and messages.  It is so comforting to know that you are thinking of us. 

Hugs!

xoxo 

Meet Hank! Our New Love!

Back To Work For Paige

I survived the first of a few new today....new year, new work routine, new responsibilities at the church, new computer at the church, leaving new puppy at home, and the saddest of all was coming home from work and Pat wasn't home waiting for me. I was glad to see all my friends today.

Today Matt had a CAT scan on his neck due to his neck pain. We think it triggers his migraines. I just wanted to have him checked out and his results were what we knew and that is that his neck that curves the wrong way. Please keep him in your prayers as it is painful and frustrating.

Did I share with you my special Christmas present from my kids? They gave me a necklace with Pat's thumb print. On the back they had engraved "I love you Mom" -Dad xoxo. It is so precious to me and I wear it often. If you see me, I would like to show it off, so ask to see my necklace.

I am so proud of my kids and thankful we are all home together!

Blessings!
Paige
Xoxo