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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Faith

We made it home this afternoon about 4:00 PM. Pat and I stayed in Hochatown last night.  I know weird name, but pretty place.  It is a few miles outside Broken Bow, Oklahoma near Beaver Bend.  We decided to come home a different way and take advantage of one more night in our RV, our 16th night!

Pat is having a terrible day.  His new chemo treatment, Neulasta shot and Zometa shot (helps with calcium in the bones) has really done him in.  It is so hard to see him sick and weak and all I can do is make sure that he is comfortable.  Please pray that these symptoms will pass soon.

I want to share with you something I read from Streams in the Desert on July 19th which has me praying and thinking.

There are three levels of faith in the Christian experience.  The first is being able to believe only when we see some sign or have some strong emotion.  Like Gideon, we feel the fleece and are willing to trust God if it is wet.  (I have been there.)  This may be genuine faith but it is imperfect.  It is continually looking to feelings or some other sign instead of the Word of God.  (Yep.)  We have taken a great step toward maturity when we trust God without relying on our feelings.  It is more of a blessing when we believe without experiencing any emotion.   While the first level of faith believes when our emotions are favorable, the second believes when all feelings are absent.  And the third level transcends the other two, for it is faith that believes God and His Word when circumstances, emotions, appearances, people, and human reason all seem to urge something to the contrary.  Paul exercised this level of faith when he said, "When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved" (Acts 27:20), then nevertheless went on to say, "Keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me". (Acts 27:25). 

I can relate to all of the levels of faith above.  For such a long time I kept asking for fleece, but God wants my faith to be stronger than that.  With this emotional roller coaster that we are riding, too many times I try to base my faith and trust in my feelings and my circumstances.  I can't do that anymore.  The ride is to scary and there is no way I can possibly know what is next as each day is different and it can change in a moment.  I experienced God and His promise while on vacation.  The minute that Pat told me that the guy in the 18 wheeler just showed him his "God Is Big Enough" bracelet that the matches the ones He and I wear, I knew that God was telling me, "Paige, I got this."  I home now and I can tell you, He did. ("Keep up your courage, Paige, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me". (Acts 27:25).  Each day while we were gone, I was making an effort to trust God through every single day and event and some were certainly more challenging than others and I kept repeating to myself "He's Got This".  Now, I am saying it tonight because Pat's tumor markers are up, his new chemo treatment has changed which will cause new side effects and he is feeling so sick.  I am trusting you, Lord, for Pat's healing although the signs seem to be pointing the other way. 

Pat and I received two God hugs while we were in Tulsa and their names are Carolyn and Tom from Pagosis Springs, Colorado.  My sweet friend, Jacqueline who works at the Center, wanted to introduce us as she felt we would become fast friends, and she was right.  Thank you, JQ! Carolyn and Tom were visiting CTCA to get a second opinion as Tom has stage 4 melanoma and was diagnosed in October also.  Carolyn and Tom are our age and their two children are about the same ages as Elizabeth and Matt. I am thinking we made a good impression upon them when we told them that we just returned from their beautiful city and state!  They have decided in the last day or so that they will stay in Tulsa and start treatment Monday.  Please keep Tom and Carolyn in  your prayers.

This girl is pooped and ready to go to bed.  I have not been consistent in writing here on CB, but I have not had decent internet while I was gone and the kids informed me today that our internet here at the house is not working properly.  I must admit that I enjoyed not having my phone and internet readily available while in the mountains as I was able to do a lot of reading as well as finish two good fiction books.  The Hunger Games (a trilogy) was excellent...a tip for you readers.

Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day!  Hope you enjoy each minute!

Hugs!
xoxo
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