Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Hard Day

I haven't posted in a day or so, but it has been rough.  We checked into the hospital on Tuesday.  Tuesday was the day we were to check in to have chemo, but that morning I knew that Pat seemed weaker and was using a lot of oxygen.  Monday morning we did blood work, so I wanted to chat with Dr. Fredric's nurse Tuesday morning to get a "go".  When I called the nurse to tell them what I sensed, they said to go ahead and take Pat to the ER.  That really bothered me as I knew Pat would wonder why in the heck are we in the ER.  Thankfully, on the way to the hospital, the doctor's office called and asked if we were headed to the hospital and if we were to go to patient registration.  What a relief.  I had called Angie and Jordan to come that morning so I could have another set of eyes and ears to help me evaluate Pat and make the right decision.  Jordan drove us to the hospital and we got him checked in. 

Pat was a bit confused and was wondering why Angie and Jordan were with me and why Matt met us at the hospital entrance.  I reminded him that he was to have chemo today and they were just hanging with us.  I was so uneasy about taking him to the hospital and even felt like I was betraying somehow because he hates hospitals such much, but I knew in my heart he was getting worse.  I was exhausted with no sleep and was worried about the care or lack of care I could give him at home.  After an ultrasound they found a couple of blood clots in his left leg. 

I really was uneasy when I got here and it stayed with me throughout the next day as I just didn't have a peace.  His body was too weak to for chemo, and I was afraid I was going to have to make a major decision.    I kept praying that the Lord would go before me and make those decisions for me.   The decision was made this morning that Pat will not have any chemo and we will be calling in hospice tomorrow.  Dr. Keller, our internist, was the one who confirmed that the decision for no chemo and I believe the Lord used him to give me this sweet peace I have tonight.

Our goal is to go home tomorrow and tonight will be the test to see if the meds have been tweaked enough for him to be completely comfortable and sleep through the night. 

There is more I want to write, but it is getting late and I going to stop here.

Thank you loving on our family,
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