Pink 'N Dirty

Hello!  Tonight our sweet friend, Bristol Ashlock, honored Pat in the Pink 'n Dirty softball game at Burleson High School.  Each player was to choose someone close to them that they wanted to honor after the varsity game.  Brissy (as I call her) chose Pat and it touched our hearts.  Pat wasn't able to attend tonight because he just didn't feel good, so I was humbled and honored to represent him.  It was so sad to see how many people in such a small crowd that have been touched by cancer.....friends, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents.   There were too many.    I have attached a picture of the pink softball and pink rose that I was presented on the softball field.  This family is quite familiar with the game as Elizabeth was a pitcher and played for many years.  We spent many hours in the hot and cold, and we have great memories. Thank you again, Brissy...we love you!

I have started a new book from one of my favorite authors, Priscilla  Shirer called "Life Interrupted".  Of course I was drawn to the book because I have loved the author's books in the past, but the title drew me in too!  Take a note of this:  Every single one of us wants to matter, to make a mark in life that will be remembered long after we're gone--but only on our own terms. We want autonomy, independence, and the freedom to govern our own steps.  We don't mind Christ getting involved as long as His path eventually converges onto the one we'd already chosen anyway.  We want to select our own course, chase our own ambitions, and decide what stands out when people think of us.  But then the unwanted and unexpected happens.  "How do we handle the deviations of life that don't match with the script we'd prepared for ourselves?" Whoa!  I think there is a message in here for me.  You too?  I will keep you posted as I continue to read!

I now know that many of my girlfriends are reading the devotional, Jesus Calling.  It is pretty cool when I know that they are reading what I am reading......Lori, Tammy, Cecille and Bonnie!  Did you girls read it today?  It was just what I needed to hear again!  "I am taking care of you.  Trust me at all times.  Trust Me in all circumstances.  Trust me with all your heart.  When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words, "I trust you, Jesus."  By doing so, you release matters into My control and you fall back into the security of My everlasting arms.  Before you arise from your bed in the morning, I have already arranged the events of your day."

My day was full and looking back He was present, He was trustworthy and He went before me!

Goodnight and sweet dreams!
xoxo

One Day At A Time

This is the first thing I read this morning even before I had a cup of coffee...that is because Pat was in the way getting his.  He and I play dosido in the mornings and usually do not have a conversation until after 8 AM!  Back to the reading:  Stop trying to work things about before their times have come.  Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.  When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life; a time for everything and everything in its time. 

I told a friend today that I really need to start living one day at a time...literally.  Sometimes I feel like I am so scattered and my to-do list so long.  I have had that conversation with my self which is quite simple, "Paige, do you plan to clean that pantry today?"  No, so I move on".  More concentration and focus in that area needed for sure.

I just returned from watching Matt and Garrett play in their church basketball league and they won their game 70 to 35! Pat didn't feel up to it, but he did feel better today and was able to go to work. 

It is bedtime!  Hope you have a great Wednesday!

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo

A Monday No Doubt

Hello there!

It was a Monday no doubt and Pat had a rough one with nausea and bone pain.  He has not experienced a lot of nausea with his chemo, so today was unexpected.  He rested all day and we are praying for a better day tomorrow.  Pat's sister had planned on coming out for coffee today and I am glad as she spent the day with him and I went to the office.  Nothing like brother and sister time!

Not much happening around here tonight.  I cooked some pork chops and Pat had a great appetite.  Tonight I plan on going to bed early, so sweet dreams to you!

Hugs!

xoxo

Waiting and Trusting

"WAITING ON ME means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do.  It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself.  Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day.  I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.  I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence.  Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will.  It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy." Lamentations 3:24-26; Isaiah 40:31; Psalm 16:11

I just returned from Life Group, changed in to my pajamas and grabbed my devotional "Jesus Calling" and that is what I read for today's devotional.  Waiting On Him seems to be the recurring  theme as well as trusting in Him again!  Waiting may be how he designed me, but it is not feeling very natural. 

I am thinking someone else needs that devotion today too! Reading that each day would be a great reminder for me.

Pat has had bone pain last night and today, but we were able to make church this morning as well as Life Group tonight.  Praying for a better day for him tomorrow. 

I hope you have a great week!

Hugs!
xoxo

My Precious Three

Hello!  I am just sitting here thinking about my kids and how much joy they bring to me!  The boys and their girlfriends just left.  They hung out with us for several hours before hitting the bowling alley.  I loved that Elizabeth went with us to Tulsa.  She has been so helpful in the past five months. 

I look at this journey and see how God has gone before us.  Elizabeth graduated from college in August and she moved home following graduation with the plan of living at home for a few months until she found a job and then find a place of her own. At the time, she thought she would like to work and live outside the DFW area.  I can clearly see how God knew we would need her at home to stay with Garrett and just keep the household running as Pat and I come and go with our hospital stays and Tulsa visits.  I know that my sweet 24-year-old did not choose this for herself, but she has been there for all of us.  She has given sacrificially.  It gives me great comfort as a mom that she has been here with Garrett.  Yes, Garrett is old enough to care for himself, but no 16-year-old would want to come home to an empty house while we were gone for many days in a row.

Garrett turned 16 in August and was now a free kid with his truck. I remember he was literally counting down the days until he got his license.   Just about the time he got a little driving experience under his belt, he finds that he has to drive himself to where he needs to be.  Garrett has stepped up to the plate to be a very mature and responsible young man.  He certainly has had the freedom to make choices that a parent wouldn't like.  We are so proud of Garrett and the good grades that he has kept while going through such a journey as this.

Matt makes the decision to make a fresh start and go back to school in Waco in August and take on a new major and also a new job. His dad is now sick and he finds himself wanting to be home many nights during the week, but he has been disciplined in his school work and he is determined to make the grades too!  Matt has gone out of his way to come home or go to the ranch to help out in anyway he can.

So, you see what a proud mom I am.  Pat is proud too! He and I talk about them all the time and we are so thankful that God blessed us with such awesome kids. Do you know what gives me the most peace when I think about my kids besides the fact that they love us and give us great joy? it is that they love the Lord.  They are not shy in letting others know how they feel and they are striving to be men and women of God. 

I have said this many times before and let me say it again.  This family has been asked to do hard and my ultimate desire is that my children will grow to love the Lord more each day.  I pray that they will not live their life to just get by or exist each day, but to live for God and make a difference in this world.  It is a big prayer I know and it is a prayer I will continue to pray until I take my last breath. 

Elizabeth, Matthew and Garrett aka Sis, Bubba & G, you are precious to your dad and I.  All three of you make us proud, you make us smile and you make us cry!  You three are so different from each other, but God knew you before you were born and He has truly created you for a great purpose.  We are just thankful that He chose YOU to 
be OURS! xoxo

Not Easy, Counselor

We are making our way home from Tulsa from the cancer center.  It is drizzling and bleak and that is how Pat and I feel right now.  The future is bleak right now as we do not know where this journey is headed. We are having to have conversations we are not prepared to talk about nor do we want to.  Are we headed down your typical expected road that a pancreatic cancer patient faces or will we receive a miracle as God touches Pat's body and heals him?  Will we have to go to hell and back before we find out that answer?

I feel that this journey is so surreal right now.  I guess I have finally seen what a fallen world feels like. I say that because I want to say out loud or I would rather scream out loud, "This is not fair".    I have always seen hurt and pain and have watched many families suffer, but now we are one of those families. 

I have never felt so dependent on God in my whole life.  At times I feel like I am going to break.  Just crack right here.  Then moments or time will pass and I will feel God's strength.  I will feel His peace that surpasses all understanding.  I have been begging for that peace.  You see, I have felt that gift before.  It is nothing that can be described if you have never felt it before.  I need it again right now, Lord and quickly.

I have been meeting with a counselor, which is the first time I have ever met with one.  I work for a fantastic counselor with his Ph.D, who I get to steal his expertise in quick moments through the week.  But to sit down and the focus be on me and those deep and confusing feelings.  Nope..first time.  I feel like I talk in circles!  Fortunately, on our first visit she was able to listen to me for awhile and then she pegged me.  She had been reading my email!  You see I am trying to fit this nice, neat box around my family.  God is in the center of the box of course, but I am trying to keep everything nice and tidy.  I am trying to cushion this pain from this family of five.  I want to protect my kids and I want to take away the pain from Pat.  That is an impossible task, but it still makes me feel guilty because I am not doing a very good job.  Ha!  So, my homework assignment is to get rid of the guilt.  That is easier said than done, counselor! 

Well, time to take my turn in driving!  

A Report

Hello from Tulsa!  Pat is getting chemo as I sit here beside him and Elizabeth is here too!  He is enjoying lala land right now.

I know that you are anxious to get the results, so let me brief you.  The tumor markers have decreased to 136.  There are two spots on the liver that we looked at.  One has increased, about the size of a nickel and one has decreased to the size of a dime.  They call this a mixed report.  We met with another oncologist, Dr. Pollack, today because Dr. Stresthda was sick.  I liked him and I feel that visiting with another oncologist just gives us an additional opinion.  Pat is getting the same chemo treatment that he has been getting as Dr. Pollack  felt that we should come back in two weeks as scheduled and meet with our oncologist as well as a radiologist to discuss tomotherapy.  Here is the definition of tomotherapy:   Tomotherapy  combines integrated CT imaging with conformal radiation therapy to deliver sophisticated radiation treatments with speed and precision while reducing radiation exposure to surrounding healthy tissue.  I happen to see Marie, our Nurse Practitioner in the hall and we talked about Pat's scans.  She indicated that we will probably add something additional next time to his current chemotherapy, Gemzar.   

Dr. Pollack said that there is not much difference between tumor markers of 151 to 136, but they are not going up.  In looking at the spots on the bone there is not any change.  So, the main area of concern are the spots on the liver. 

In the overall picture of this disease, it is a very good report and I am thankful.  This journey is far from over, but we continue to have hope and trust God as we go through each day.   I ask that you continue to pray for peace.  I also ask that you pray for continued strength for Pat as there are many days he is weary,

One of the nice things here at the center is that they offer counseling.  I have met twice now with a wonderful lady named Rhonda, who has been able to help me as she sees caretakers like me all of the time. She shares her expertise and experience with family members who have to deal with cancer on a daily basis.  

It has been cool introducing Elizabeth to all of our friends, nurses and staff here at the center.  Everyone can tell she is my daughter before I introduce her. 

Kelly came today and spent the whole day with us.  When Pat went to his appointment this afternoon, the nurses were teasing him about his "girls"  following him around.   It was great comfort having both Elizabeth and Kelly with us today.

Pat will have his Neulasta shot in the morning so that we can keep his white blood count up, so he will have bone pain in a few days.  After his shot we will be driving home...kinda dread that.  I am really tired and emotionally drained today.

I must end of a funny story!  Elizabeth was taking Cash outside and taking his red ball (you have to spell ball around him or he knows what you are talking about) to throw for him so he can retrieve and repeat.  Pat and I were on the other side of the RV working on a hose and we hear Elizabeth cry out.  She had dropped Cash's ball in the drainage pipe in the parking lot.  She is upset at this point.  Time passes for maybe 5 minutes and we hear her cry out again.  She has dropped her cell phone in the same drainage pipe.  We are rolling our eyes at this time and telling her that she will have to call maintenance and see what she can do to get it out!  She sees water dripping into the drain from a distance, so she panics.  She gets on the phone and fortunately the maintenance man has one of those grippers and he easily pulled it while dropping his own eye glasses down the same drain.  Thankfully, he got his glasses out too.  The ball was never recovered but Cash is very happy that Aunt Kelly drove us to Pet's Mart to buy a new one!

Thank you for loving us from afar this week with your sweet texts, emails and messages.  Your love and support carries us each day. 

Sending hugs from Tulsa!
Paige & Pat
xoxo

Hanging In Tulsa

Hello! Pat, Elizabeth and I just finished watching a movie and now about to head towards bedtime. Today was a relaxed and lazy one after the scan this morning.

Tomorrow is full of appointments starting at 8 and end at 5 with a few breaks in between. We were informed today that Pat's oncologist is sick so we are having to see another one tomorrow at 2. That disappoints me be he will give us the results of the scan and then we will hear is recommended treatment plan. I was assured that our oncologist will be consulted also.

Thank you for all of your sweet messages that you have sent us today. We feel so loved and your prayers mean so much to us.

I had such a great visit today with an old friend of mine from high school, Laura Watts Lawrence, who lives here in Tulsa. I told Pat she was coming by and he asked me if he had ever met her. I laughed and told him yes and that he and I went out with her and her boyfriend just 30 years ago when he visited me in Madill one weekend. That memory had to be dug out of the far corners of my mind!

I also was excited for Laura to meet Elizabeth. I think it is hard to imagine our friends from high school with kids of their own, particularly if you have not raised your kids together. As in mine and Laura's friendship, the last time we saw each other we were about 19 and snap, we are now way past 40! (i know how far!) Thank you, Laura, for making my day!

Hittin the hay, my dad used to say!

Hugs!
Paige
Xoxo

We Three

We three and Cash made it to Tulsa and we are all settled in. Tomorrow Pat has to get prepped for his scan at 7:15, drink the yucky stuff and have his scan at 11 AM. If you think about it join me in prayer at that time.

We are praying for a good report and peace while we wait for the results on Friday when we meet with the oncologist at 1 pm.

Going to bed. Sweet dreams! Love you Matt and Garrett!
Hugs
Paige.

God Is Big Enough

Hey there!  Pat, Elizabeth and I went to the church tonight to watch Matt and Garrett play on their men's basketball league.  The only one missing was Pat.  He played with them last year and that was great fun to watch and the boys had such a good time.  The "Mavericks", their team name, won tonight.

I have attached a picture of a new wrist band that Pat and I have been wearing given to us by sweet friends!  It says "God Is Big Enough".  He is, no doubt!  It is nice though to be be reminded in just a glance.  I still wear my purple Pancan bracelet and that bracelet means so much to me as it is a symbol of this journey.  Purple has new meaning to me now.  I really didn't care for purple before now, but it is growing on me.  I even had my toenails painted purple today!  I like to match, you know!

We are taking the camper to Tulsa tomorrow and we will leave at noon.  Elizabeth has decided to join us and I am so glad   I would love for all of our family and friends to see this wonderful place.  Oh, and Cash is going too!

As I close tonight, I am thankful for my sweet friendships.  The girlfriends in my life mean so much to me and I love how God orchestrates their paths to cross mine whether it be a visit,  phone call, or a message just when I need one. I can't imagine walking this journey without them.  Oh, I have great male friends and they are priceless too, but my girlfriends know me, love me and just flat have to put up with me!  
Blessings to you!  I will be checking in tomorrow night from Touristy Tulsa!

Blessings and big hugs!
Paige
xoxo   

I Am Going To Keep Asking

Hello! How was your Monday?  Pat and I both went to work today and my kids back to school and work. 

I didn't get to have a long quiet time this morning as I had to take Garrett to an appointment so I had to be dressed and out the door by 7:30.  Even if it was short, I got a great word from Psalm 63: 1-5. 

God you are my God; I earnestly search for you, My soul thirsts for you.  My whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!  I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.  You satisfy me more than the richest feast.  I will praise you with songs of joy. 

This Psalm describes how I have been feeling these past few days.  I am earnestly seeking him and as I worshiped Sunday morning, I was unable to sing, but I could lift up my hand as I just wanted to show Him how much I love him and how much I need him.

I also opened my book again to read one paragraph in "Don't Waste the Pain" and the author wrote:  "So where does that leave us in our praying?  How can we pray with confidence while submitting to God's absolute sovereignty in our lives?  I feel like a child boldly asking my good heavenly Father for what I want, while trusting Him to sort out what is best.  My kids do this with me,.  "Can I have more dessert?"  "Can I have the keys to your car?"  They're not shy about asking.  They don't always like my answers.  But I hope that in the long run they are deeply convinced that I have their best interests in mind.    When we are pressed to the ragged edge of faith, our doubts are flushed out into the open.  And we must deal with them honestly.  That is part of the gift of pain."

When I read that I just put the book down. I was in awe of the author's words, but I was more amazed of God's timing in helping me wrestle with these questions I have.   That has been the question in my mind lately...."Lord, how am I suppose to pray.  I know that I can come to you with anything.  I have come to you over and over again asking for Pat's healing, but at the same time I have surrendered to you.  I know that you have purpose in this journey, so how do I have the right to ask you for what I want.  I want to glorify you in all of this, but I selfishly want my husband back and my heart is hurting as I watch this unfold each day."  Well, I am still going to ask and I am now trying to trust. 

Before I close, I just have to share with you  how blessed I am.  It is such a gift to me that God would would allow me to be on staff at my own church that I have attended for years.   He knew the this journey would unfold and He has me right where he wants me to be.   I just want you to know how this group of Christ followers encourage me, pray for me, pick me up and dust me off, and they know just how to make me laugh until my stomach hurts.   They are a blessing to Pat and my kids as well.  What an incredible group of people that I love dearly.

I pray you have a great Tuesday!

Hugs!

xoxo

March Madness

Hello!

This Sunday was special as the kids were all home. I love Sundays when I can cook and we can just hang out together.  I know I was appreciated when I made lasagna tonight!  The guys watched March Madness the past two days, and I love the sound of the game playing in the background.  I do have three disappointed guys because Texas lost.  What a close game!    I also know that my sister has been sitting in front of her television this weekend as she loves watching basketball too!  Sorry, OU wasn't in it, Kelly! 

Pat didn't feel good today and he went to the home and garden show, but had to come home early. Please continue to pray for him as he gets so frustrated and just wants to feel good. 

We have a busy week ahead as we leave Wednesday to go to Tulsa, so this will be a short week for him and I.  I hope you have a great week.

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo

The Definition of Faith?

Hello!  What a beautiful day and it is good to be home!  Pat went to the Home and Garden show at Will Rogers.  Clear Choice has a booth there this weekend.  It is the season for home shows, but this will be our last one until the fall.

I have a lot of work to do, so I stayed home and played catch up.  It is nice sometimes when you know that you will not be leaving the house anytime during the day.  I was so excited to get our dinner delivered to our door as we now have a Pizza Hut in Rendon!  I told the delivery girl how exciting it was to be able to get my favorite pizza delivered to my door and not have to drive clear across town.  What a celebration! I don't know if she cared really!

I love Oswald Chambers and I was reading his devotional, My Utmost for His Highest.  Today's devotional talked about Abraham's Life of Faith.

"He went out, not knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8). Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading.  It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason--a life of knowing Him who calls us to go.  Faith is rooted in the knowledge of a Person, and of the biggest traps we fall into is the belief that if we have faith, God will surely lead us to success in the world.

A life of faith is not a life of one glorious mountaintop experience after another, like soaring on eagles' wings, but is a life of day-in and day-out consistency; a life of walking without fainting (Isaiah 40:31).

God keeps telling me to trust Him.  I want to trust him and looking back in the trials in my life, He has never failed me...not once.  I know God just shakes his head and thinks "one day, Paige, maybe you'll get this right."  My emotions are up and down literally like a roller coaster each day and sometimes this journey is so surreal and it is hard to take it all in.  But there is one thing that I have been wrestling with and that is the definition of my faith. How do I see it?  How do I visualize it in my mind?   I need to know what faith looks like whether I am full of peace and joy or whether I am panicked or fearful.   I know my desire.  I desire  for my faith  to be stronger and waiver less.   I take comfort in knowing that He is the controller of all things and all things go through His hands. He is taking care of me and I shouldn't be afraid of anything, although I am.

So, I am still wrestling and still seeking God's face for His guidance, comfort and most of all His peace.  I have found that if I have peace, it changes my inner turmoil.  I am sure my definition of faith will change in the days to come.  Meanwhile, I am chasing after the leader.

Hope you have a great Sunday...my favorite day of the week.  I am looking forward to worshiping Him tomorrow!

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo

We Are Back!

Hello!  Well it is back to the real world and also dependable internet.  I found a new feature on my iphone called tethering and I pay $15 a month.  I also have the option of not using the service each month.  So, I am riding shotgun and updating CaringBridge at the same time.

Pat and I had an incredible time and my description and pictures just can't describe to you how beautiful Big Bend is.  It is different than anything I have seen. It is about nine hours from DFW.  The Big Bend National Park consists of huge mountains in the desert with the Rio Grande River running right through it.  The Rio Grande was not as big as I thought it would be and Pat read that it is not clean as it should be.  Cash romped around in the river, but we wish we would have none what we know now.  But hey, it was a great photo opportunity!  We also saw amazing cactus everywhere in all shapes and sizes.

We looked for the deer, mountain lions and havelinas, but we only saw two deer as we were leaving town this morning. 

We are driving back to the real world.  I have to admit that it was nice to get away and not focus on our current journey.   Pat felt so good everyday and that is a complete answer to prayer. 

Pat's brothers, Richard and Bob, joined us on Wednesday.  Richard has been about eight times, so he took us some beautiful places.  We four discovered some new places together too!  Yesterday we left about 8 AM and headed to a new jeep trail called Black Gap which is not a maintained road by the national park, so it required four-wheeled drive only.  We were on jeep trails for about eight hours.  We took the windows and the back off of the jeeps and we were covered in dirt on top of a little sunburn when we got back to the camp.  Cash's beautiful red coat had a tint of white from the dust.  He was pooped when we got back.  

Thank you to those who prayed for our safety, protection, good time and good days....we felt them and we are so thankful.  God is Good!

Miss my kiddos and I can't wait to see them!

See you soon!

xoxo

Hello from Big Bend!

Hello! I have a terrible connection out here in the mountains. So this is a short hello! We are having such fun. Today we left at 9 AM to hit the jeep trails and returned about 4 PM Beautiful country. Cash swam in the Rio Grande with Texas ob one side and Mexico just a few yards across the water. Will post more pics soon.

Sweet dreams!!
Paige
Xoxo

Hello! We Are On Vacation!

Hello from Big Bend! 

What a neat place. It is so different than anything I have seen. It is very mountainous but in a desert. Looking forward to visiting Big Bend National Park and hitting the jeep trails tomorrow.

Pat is feeling so good and we are having a great time. We are tired after driving 5.5 hours, but a good tired. Cash is with us and he is enjoying his new adventure.

Hope you have a good week.

Smiles,
Paige
Xoxo

Hey Midland!

Hello from Midland!  We left today at 2:00 pm and on our way to Terlinqua, Texas near Big Bend State Park.  We are about half way there. 

Pat has felt so good today and I am so thankful!  This trip has been planned for a couple of months and we are tickled to get away.  I miss my kids though.  I love you three!

Hope you have a great week!  Will catch you later!

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo

An Update

Hello! Did you miss me yesterday?  I am back now.

We got home from Tulsa about 4:00 and we stayed home the rest of the evening...Fuzzy's takeout was delish!  The kids were home popping in and out.

This morning Pat went to the home show at the Dallas Cowboy's stadium.  I got there about lunch time and it was packed.  Pat said he saw Ty Pennington while walking in the basement to his booth.  Hopefully, the show will pay off and Clear Choice will get some great leads.  Thanks to Marty and John for doing double duty! 

During our visit with the doctor on Thursday we found out that Pat's tumor markers have risen to 151. They were actually at 151 two weeks ago and she read the wrong number of 61 which was the two weeks prior to that. They didn't run tumor markers this week.  Pat had severe back pain on Thursday while we were in the center, which we found odd because his pain has been under control. The plan now is to return in two weeks on Wednesday, March 23rd and have some scans done and do an EGD which is an examination of the lining of the esophagus, stomach, and upper duodenum with a small camera to make sure his stent is working properly.  After we get the results we will get a new game plan.  That visit will require us to stay at least until Saturday.  We are praying for just a bump in the road.

We were not expecting this news at all, so it has been a rough couple of days.  We are so disappointed. I do know that God hasn't gone anywhere. Look at what I read in my devotion in Jesus Calling yesterday.

Walk by faith, not by sight.  As you take steps of faith, depending on me, I will show you how much I can do for you.  If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you my spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength.  That's why it is so  wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you.  The issue is not your strength, but Mine, which is limitless.  By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength.  (2 Corinthians 5:7; Galatians 5:25)

My response to this...it is a good thing Lord!  I am weary.  We all are and quite frankly, we can't even look past today. The next few weeks look like huge mountains sitting before us and we have been given tricycles to pedal to the top.  But, I know that God loves us and His eyes are on us every moment.  Jer 31:3 says that he loves us with an everlasting love.  So, I am going to use my own advice I gave to a friend not long ago...lean into Him. "He knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold".  Job 23:10.  This verse keeps popping up lately.

Spring break is next week!  Garrett is going to California with friends.  Matt has to go back to school and Elizabeth will be working.  Pat and I are going to Big Bend for a few days and really looking forward to getting out of town.  The weather next week in Terlingua, Texas will be in the high 80's and low 90's.  My favorite! 

Hope you have a good weekend, and do not forget to spring forward one hour on that alarm clock or you will be an hour late! 

In His Grip!

xoxo

Hitting the Road

I am excited!  We are going to Big Bend tomorrow in the camper.  The only time we have been able to take it out was to Cabela's to buy supplies.  We hit the road with only Cash.  You can see how much he enjoyed the ride to Cabela's.  

Disappointed

Hello! Did you miss me yesterday?  I am back now.

We got home from Tulsa about 4:00 and we stayed home the rest of the evening...Fuzzy's takeout was delish!  The kids were home popping in and out.

This morning Pat went to the home show at the Dallas Cowboy's stadium.  I got there about lunch time and it was packed.  Pat said he saw Ty Pennington while walking in the basement to his booth.  Hopefully we the show will pay off and Clear Choice will get some great leads.  Thanks to Marty and John for doing double duty! 

During our visit with the doctor on Thursday we found out that Pat's tumor markers have risen to 151. They were actually at 151 two weeks ago and she read the wrong number of 61 which was the two weeks prior to that. They didn't run tumor markers this week.  Pat had severe back pain on Thursday while we were in the center, which we found odd because his pain has been under control. The plan now is to return in two weeks on Wednesday, March 23rd and have some scans done and do an EGD which is an examination of the lining of the esophagus, stomach, and upper duodenum with a small camera to make sure his stent is working properly.  After we get the results we will get a new game plan.  That visit will require us to stay at least until Saturday.  We are praying for just a bump in the road.

We were not expecting this news at all, so it has been a rough couple of days.  We are so disappointed. I do know that God hasn't gone anywhere. Look at what I read in my devotion in Jesus Calling yesterday.

Walk by faith, not by sight.  As you take steps of faith, depending on me, I will show you how much I can do for you.  If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you my spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength.  That's why it is so  wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you.  The issue is not your strength, but Mine, which is limitedless.  By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength.  (2 Corinthians 5:7; Galatians 5:25)

My reponse to this...it is a good thing Lord!  I am weary.  We all are and quite frankly, we can't even look past today. The next few weeks look like huge mountains sitting before us and we have been given tricycles to pedal to the top.  But, I know that God loves us and His eyes are on us every moment.  Jer 31:3 says that he loves us with an everlasting love.  So, I am going to use my own advice I gave to a friend not long ago...lean into Him. "He knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold".  Job 23:10.  This verse keeps popping up lately.

Spring break is next week!  Garrett is going to California with friends.  Matt has to go back to school and Elizabeth will be working.  Pat and I are going to Big Bend for a few days and really looking forward to getting out of town.  The weather next week in Terlingua, Texas will be in the high 80's and low 90's.  My favorite! 

Hope you have a good weekend, and do not forget to spring forward one hour on that alarm clock or you will be an hour late! 

In His Grip!
Paige
xoxo

Hello From Tulsa

Hi from Touristy Tulsa!  Wanted to pop in for a quick hello!  Pat is getting chemo as we speak, so he is in never never land for now, but will soon wake up when the Pizza Hut delivery man gets here with our pizza.  Pat and I had our first date over pizza and 29 years later we are still crazy about pizza and each other! 

I am still thankful for the Cancer Center and its wonderful and caring staff. When we walk through these doors we see familiar faces and staff who know us by name.  Sarah is our nurse tonight.  She and I love to talk about iphone apps and discuss what is the latest and greatest!  What a blessing!

We will be heading back tomorrow.  Have a great weekend!

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo

Happy Birthday Gan Gan & Paxton

Hello!  Another good day in the Easterling home.  Matt had to go back to work, so he returned to Waco with Loco.  I didn't just do that on purpose! That sounds like a sad name for a starving tour director.  You know I have such an affection for Loco.  He is gentle, loving and quite the lap dog. I wish you could see him and Cash play.  It is really funny when Loco barks and growls at Cash and just for an instance Cash is scared!    

Pat has had a busy day and has felt good.  Tomorrow we return to Tulsa and start the cycle over again. 

I have noticed when God wants to get my attention whether it is to teach me something new, mold my character, or point out sin in my life, I keep hearing a theme or a subject repeatedly.  In the past week it has been "Hearing God's Voice".  This morning I read this:

I believe that those who walk with God and develop the consistent habit of obeying everything  He asks of them do cultivate a well-tuned subjective sensitivity to God's voice.  And I believe that God is much more inclined to speak in special ways to those who consistently trust and obey Him. 

Oh how I want to hear His voice more!

There are two special people that I want to wish a happy birthday.  Paxton Gilbert is 16 today!  I call him my fourth child and I love him like he is one of mine.  Pat's grandmother, Gan Gan, is 107 today!  That is not a typo.  That is absolutely amazing!  Happy Birthday!

Have a great night!

Hugs!
Paige
xoxo 

I Heard Him

Hello!  Another good day and we say thank you, Lord!  The good days just cause the bad to fade.  Now, I am speaking for myself only. 

I just wish I could tell you just how faithful the Lord is to me and what gifts he gives me during my days.  These past two days have been incredible.  God continually shows me that he hears me, loves me and that he is walking alongside of me.  He has sent me people in my life just today and yesterday that were hand-picked by him to encourage me and even alter my course. 

Just Saturday night as I went to sleep, I was very upset and struggling with some dilemmas in my life that I truly didn't know how I was going to solve.  I even remember waking up in the middle of the night, rolling over and praying "Lord, I don't know what to do, but you do.  I give it to you."  Did you know when I woke up Sunday morning and I was just lying there enjoying my comfy Hico bed that God just spoke to me.  I heard him clearly tell me to do two things.  They were two sentences that made perfect sense and were very simple solutions.  They both worked Monday morning.  Snap!  Just like that! No doubt!

Just Monday morning I was reading my devotion "Purpose Driven Life" and this was the message.  "The longer you grow in your relationship with the Lord, the easier it is to know when he's talking to you." All through Scripture, the Bible says God is speaking to us. Why? Because we are created for a relationship with God. That is the whole reason we exist. God wants me to know him intimately.

It is such an exhilarating high when you know that you know you heard from God.  I want to hear him more.

Have a great Wednesday!

In His Grip,
Paige
xoxo

Woo Hoo the Taxes are Done

Hi there!  I hope your Monday has been good to you.

Pat and I both went to our offices today.  Pat had a full day, but was extremely tired when he got home.  Unfortunately, we forgot to change his pain patch this morning and right now he is paying for it.  Darn it!  I will be putting a reminder on my phone as he has to change it every three days.  So, I pray he has relief in just a bit. This could have been avoided and that really frustrates me.

We are enjoying Matt as he is home for a couple of days because he is on spring break.  Garrett's is next week and I sure wish the boy's breaks were the same week.

This is a busy week around here as we leave for Tulsa on Thursday morning and return on Friday.  Starting on Thursday, Clear Choice will be participating in the Great Big Texas Home Show (March 11-13) at Dallas Cowboy Stadium.  If you are looking for something to do, come out and stop by our booth and say hello!

I am breathing a sigh of relief as I finished my taxes tonight.  Woo Hoo!  Each year I get all worked up, anxious and grumpy when it is tax season.  Many times in the past few weeks I have prayed and ask God to go help me carve out the time to get it done. Well, guess what?  He did. He is faithful.  I have to remind myself that He is just as concerned with the small things in my life just as much as the large ones.   

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Sweet dreams!
Paige
xoxo