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Monday, March 21, 2011

I Am Going To Keep Asking

Hello! How was your Monday?  Pat and I both went to work today and my kids back to school and work. 

I didn't get to have a long quiet time this morning as I had to take Garrett to an appointment so I had to be dressed and out the door by 7:30.  Even if it was short, I got a great word from Psalm 63: 1-5. 

God you are my God; I earnestly search for you, My soul thirsts for you.  My whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!  I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.  You satisfy me more than the richest feast.  I will praise you with songs of joy. 

This Psalm describes how I have been feeling these past few days.  I am earnestly seeking him and as I worshiped Sunday morning, I was unable to sing, but I could lift up my hand as I just wanted to show Him how much I love him and how much I need him.

I also opened my book again to read one paragraph in "Don't Waste the Pain" and the author wrote:  "So where does that leave us in our praying?  How can we pray with confidence while submitting to God's absolute sovereignty in our lives?  I feel like a child boldly asking my good heavenly Father for what I want, while trusting Him to sort out what is best.  My kids do this with me,.  "Can I have more dessert?"  "Can I have the keys to your car?"  They're not shy about asking.  They don't always like my answers.  But I hope that in the long run they are deeply convinced that I have their best interests in mind.    When we are pressed to the ragged edge of faith, our doubts are flushed out into the open.  And we must deal with them honestly.  That is part of the gift of pain."

When I read that I just put the book down. I was in awe of the author's words, but I was more amazed of God's timing in helping me wrestle with these questions I have.   That has been the question in my mind lately...."Lord, how am I suppose to pray.  I know that I can come to you with anything.  I have come to you over and over again asking for Pat's healing, but at the same time I have surrendered to you.  I know that you have purpose in this journey, so how do I have the right to ask you for what I want.  I want to glorify you in all of this, but I selfishly want my husband back and my heart is hurting as I watch this unfold each day."  Well, I am still going to ask and I am now trying to trust. 

Before I close, I just have to share with you  how blessed I am.  It is such a gift to me that God would would allow me to be on staff at my own church that I have attended for years.   He knew the this journey would unfold and He has me right where he wants me to be.   I just want you to know how this group of Christ followers encourage me, pray for me, pick me up and dust me off, and they know just how to make me laugh until my stomach hurts.   They are a blessing to Pat and my kids as well.  What
an incredible group of people that I love dearly.

I pray you have a great Tuesday!

Hugs!

xoxo
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